Deny thy toilet and refuse thy scat

Check out this modern-day Romeo & Juliet scene from CraigsList Sacramento’s Missed Connections, in which a Midtown woman comes to her window early one Sunday’s eve to find her suitor’s “lily white ass staring [her] in the face.“

To the guy who shit outside my window – w4m (Midtown)

I awoke to the sounds of your splashing diarrhea directly outside my window at 3 AM on Sunday. I looked up and saw your lily white ass staring me in the face. I slammed my window shut and courteously avoided eye contact. I looked up a few minutes later and you were gone. I probably scared you off, dingleberries still a’danglin. I woke up the next morning in a haze wondering if it was all a dream, but to my dismay, your territory was unmistakably marked. Next time you are unable to control your beer-influenced bowels, please avoid first story windows and other unintentionally indiscreet locations.

Best wishes,
Sleeping Beauty Awoken by Not So Charming Prince

Ah, sweet prince. How camest thou thither, and wherefore? Were she the blades of grass upon which your scat came to rest, you would find no foliage more readily fertilized.

Ay, me.